


Pieces of Me

by aequuitas



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: could be ready as stucky if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:03:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aequuitas/pseuds/aequuitas
Summary: A scene somewhere after all the fighting is done, and before Bucky goes into cryo.  A study of choices, and of relationships, and of peace.





	

“I need to go back into cryo.”

There’s no build up, or context, and Steve’s eyebrows draw together immediately, and he looks at Bucky in confusion. “What?”

“Cryo. I talked to T’Challa about it, and he says he can get it set up. I just think –“

“Buck, no. _No. _We just – we just got you back from that, and you’re good, right? You’re you.”__

__Except they both know that’s not true. It lies in the shadows under Bucky’s eyes, in the tense line of his shoulder, in the tight lipped smile he flashes Steve, one that’s both strikingly familiar and completely alien. He’s seen it a lot lately, but he doesn’t remember it from before – before Captain America, and before the Winter Soldier. Doesn’t remember it from back when they were just Bucky and Steve, and Steve couldn’t hold his own against anyone, let alone a man in an iron suit. It keeps striking Steve, how far from Brooklyn they are, how far from the men they were once. There was a time when he had been happy to shed that skin, to grow into the body the serum gave him, become the man Peggy believed he could be, that Bucky believed he could be. Now, he wonders if he’d give it all up to go back, to have Bucky how he was. Would he go back to being ignored, to being beat up in alleyways and ignored by every woman that walked past him?_ _

__The answer strikes almost as soon as he asks himself the question. _In a heartbeat.__ _

__That’s not up to Steve though. And, it turns out, this isn’t either._ _

__“I don’t feel like me.” The words slide between Steve’s ribs, cold and harsh, and he has to work to keep his expression something close to neutral._ _

__He swallows down everything he wants to say, and forces himself to look at Bucky. Really look at him – to take in the fading bruises, and the lack of symmetry where one arm stretches long and beautiful into a hand Steve remembers well, and the other ends just past the shoulder, covered carefully by T’Challa’s physicians. He looks at the curve of Bucky’s shoulders – the same shoulders the Steve used to hook on to when Bucky would piggyback him home because Steve’s arrhythmia acted up and pulled the breath from his lungs. Buck always made it into a game, and Steve knew that he was weak, but around Bucky he always felt strong. He wishes he could do the same for Bucky now._ _

__All he can do, though, is nod. “It’s not forever.” He declares it, but there’s a question hiding somewhere in there, waiting to be answered.  
The smile Steve is greeted with is more genuine this time, breaks into the smallest of laughs, and Bucky shakes his head, reaches out to press his hand to Steve’s shoulder. “You’ll barely miss me.”_ _

__Which is already a lie. Steve misses Bucky right now, leans into the hand on his shoulder, closes his eyes. The fingers tighten, and it’s like they fall into each other, crashing like waves, until they’re holding each other, Bucky’s one arm grasping just as tightly as both of Steve’s. It’s still strange, hugging each other when they’re both the same height. Absurdly, Steve finds himself choking on a laugh, and somewhere in the middle it falls into a sob. Bucky doesn’t comment on it at first – Steve thinks it’s because maybe he’s biting back something similar._ _

__“Alright, c’mon blubber boy, buck up.” It’s gruff, biting, as familiar to Steve as breathing. This is the Bucky he knows, shining through just for a moment. It makes him hold tighter – he can’t help it._ _

__It lasts a lifetime, and a moment, and it’s over too quickly, but they fall away from each other. Bucky’s hand slides, lingers for a moment on Steve’s face, and his thumb brushes at the tears there before it drops away. It’s the only extended show of intimacy they’ve had, and Steve doesn’t flush, but it’s a near thing._ _

__“You’re sure, Buck?”_ _

__“Absolutely.”_ _

__It doesn’t occur to Steve until later, when he’s checked for the third, fourth, fifth time, when he sees the look on Bucky’s face as the cryo takes hold, that the peace lies in the choice of it. For someone who’s had their agency withheld for so long, choosing something like this must be a luxury. It’s only then that Steve lets himself cry. After all, who’s going to stop him now?_ _


End file.
